Yes. I Am Busy

Oct 11 / Ritu Dua
“I stood behind you yesterday in the garden.
 You were all alone. Yet you did not notice me.
I waited for your closed eyes to open, wondering how you can sit still for so long.
Do you have nothing else to do?
So, is this what staying busy means to you?
I don’t see you on social media these days. Why?
Why are you always so busy that you cannot even attend the kitty parties?
Are you becoming an introvert?
People are saying you are hiding something.
The kind of things you do are a waste of time.
You are really selfish.
You will regret not staying in touch with the outer world.”
Write your awesome label here.
This is a part of a recent one-sided conversation with someone I used to call a friend.  It was too overwhelming for me. I asserted, “Yes, I am busy” and preferred to walk away from her and the situation.
I wondered how anyone else can know if the choices I make to live my life bring me joy or not?  No one else will care for my body the way I can. No one else can know what calms my mind. No one else can decide what my day should look like. I can never please them all anyways.
Well, this incident affected me so much that I have been on a friendship cleanse lately.
Do you know what ‘friendship cleanse’ is?
It is the act of reassessing and potentially ending toxic or unfulfilling friendships.
In simple words, I am distancing myself from people who make me feel bad, belittle me in front of others, like my dreams are dumb, or that the things I am truly passionate about are not even worth trying for and so on.
Sometimes recognizing, managing, and shedding the people who bring you down can be the most difficult act of self-care. Friendship is about collaboration, not control. I understand that we should take care of each other's spaces, I am happy to help you keep yours clean, but life is too short to let you continue trashing mine.
I know I deserve to be around people who are supportive, generous, and fun. So, I understood it was time to set healthy boundaries, acknowledge my worth, prioritize my needs, and to distance myself from people detrimental to my well-being, much like her.
I can continue to care for even the people who hurt me, but that does not change the fact that I have to let them go to honour my feelings and emotions.
Friendship cleanse has helped me attend to my physical, mental, and emotional needs and has introduced me to a significant aspect of self-care. Toxic friendships can drain emotional energy, increase stress, and negatively impact mental health. Removing these influences means reducing mental clutter and creating space for a more positive, supportive and nurturing social environment, which is crucial for emotional well-being.
By cleansing friendships that no longer serve me well, I have started reallocating my time and resources to activities and relationships that are more fulfilling and beneficial which is adding to my personal growth and self-improvement.
The incident inspired me to write what keeps me busy and hence this poem!

Friendship is an important and a fulfilling relationship in our lives. We depend on friends to support us through good and bad times; to share our happiness and offer comfort in our sorrows. However, when a friendship ends—whether due to a disagreement, difference in opinion, drifting apart, or losing contact—it can be as challenging as a romantic breakup.
Coping with the loss of a friendship that becomes toxic can leave us feeling lost, alone, and confused.

In my case I felt the same too. Being blamed that I rest sometimes instead of being accessible to them, not understanding my busy (inner and outer) life, was not easy. Being a therapist myself did not help in avoiding the pain of feeling misunderstood and abandoned. Instead, it helped in processing the loss, reflecting the emotions, and finding creative solutions to move on. Here is my poem:

Yes, I Am Busy.

 

I am busy hugging the trees.

I am busy caressing the back of leaves.

I am busy weaving flowers in my hair.

I am busy walking free with feet bare.

I am busy befriending butterflies.

I am busy guiding my soul to light.

I am busy singing with my feathered friends.

I am busy taking deeper breaths.

I am busy knitting serenity.

I am busy sipping beauty.

I am busy dissolving and forming in that river.

I am busy watching clouds quiver.

I am busy taking more chances.

I am busy dancing more dances.

I am busy repairing my emotions.

I am busy channelling my inner Venus.

I am busy stitching my torn heart.

I am busy rebirthing my withered parts.

I am busy quieting chaos.

I am busy  pearling my tear-drops.

I am busy holding on through the downpour.

I am busy finding way in the unknown.

I am busy savouring my Yutori slices.

I am busy pausing where peace suffices.

I am busy stirring light in a pot of hopes.

I am busy cooking rainbows.

 

I am busy creating prayer flags.

I am busy frilling cracks.

I am busy crowning my head with nests.

I am busy beading authentic moments.

 

Yes, I am this kind of busy.

And this matters.

Reflective process of an art therapist

I am who I am and my art therapist self taught me to express my true self. I may do mistakes that I assume. But I also know that I need to:

•    Allow myself to grieve

Just like any other loss, it's important to allow ourselves to grieve the end of a friendship. I cried, talked to my partner about my feelings, and sometimes just sat among trees, taking time to process my emotions. There is no easier way for therapists but I have the courage to face the reality and my difficult feelings...

•    Practice self-care

It's easy to neglect our own self-care when we're going through a difficult time. However, taking care of ourselves is more important than ever.
I did not use magic tools, I just made sure I was getting enough sleep, ate nourishing meals, and engaged myself in activities that bring me joy and relaxation. That was doable for me.

•    Seek support from others

It can be helpful to talk to others about what we're going through, whether it's a trusted friend, family member, or counsellor.
I did that too. I shared my feelings with my best friend and that helped me feel less alone and more validated.

•    Engage in self-reflective practices

Reflecting on what led to the end of the friendship can be helpful in such situations.
It was for me. I may have my part of guilt, but I saw the whole picture more clearly. I recognize my lack of time, but understood that the blaming on me was happening repeatedly. We lead different lifestyles, different ways of dealing with things and derived happiness from different sources. The rupture is hard to acknowledge, but the signs were there.

•    Focus on the positive memories

While it is natural to feel sad about the end of a friendship, it is also important to remember the positive memories you shared.
Remembering the happy times, we spent together, especially the memories attached with the vacation we had gone on a few years ago, helped me focus on the good that I have gained through this friendship.

•    Let go of anger and resentment and practiced forgiveness

Feelings of anger or resentment towards a friend who has hurt us are perfectly normal, but holding onto these feelings will only cause us more pain in the long run.
I am trying to let go of my negative emotions and grudges and focussing on moving forward in a positive way.

The end of a friendship is never easy, but it's a natural part of life. By establishing clear boundaries to protect emotional well-being, practicing self-care, seeking support from others, and focusing on positive memories, one can navigate such difficult time and emerge stronger and more resilient.
Created with